You all know the stereotypes, the movies, the songs, the condemnations, and some of you have even actually been there. We were only there for about 20 hours, but all those things are pretty much true, if only for the fact that so much can happen due to the sheer amount of people passing through. But enough of serious observation.
Las Vegas is a depressingly magical place. The recent James Cameron movie, Avatar, released a spat of depression cases for fans who felt remorse at the fact that there is nowhere similar in beauty to the movie’s alien planet, Pandora, and in a way this is applicable to Las Vegas. You will not find a city so dedicated to one human obsession in the most insanely ostentatious manner. Sure there are casinos all over Nevada and on Indian Reservations, but they really don’t compare. Despite all the stories of the obsessed or addicts losing their life’s savings you really can’t go wrong if you limit yourself and take in a show or two.
Then there is the larger picture. Vegas is sprawled across a massive expanse of desert (not to mention many other cities throughout NM, AZ, and CA) and uses an obscene amount of water. Probably every single casino operates some variety of fountains, which includes the biggies at the Mirage, Bellagio, and Treasure Island (to name a few). Most of the cars I saw and every single one of the the many stretch limousines were grotesquely sparkling clean (in sharp contrast to our still dirty VW), which, coupled with the sand and dust that surrounds the city, points to a thriving car wash market. There are efforts being made to relieve the aquatic strain that the city creates, but the damage has already been done (again, not by LV alone) as the Colorado River’s current delta is a mere fraction of what it used to be and has crippled what was once a lush section of Mexico. Electricity consumption is also a massive drain on the system and it doesn’t take a genius to realize that Vegas is an enormous bajillion watt lightbulb. Oh, and while there are just about way too many homeless and needy patrolling the world (even in Vegas) we’ve got tens of thousands of tourists chucking millions of dollars away each day and returning to their overly cushy hotel rooms. But hey, it’s not like these problems aren’t being addressed. There are measures being taken to ease the strain the city creates on water and power usage and the charity…some people win big and donate and there are many charities that operate in Sin City.
Vegas is also superlatively fun. Besides mindlessly gambling there are a litany of shows to watch including most of what Cirque Du Soleil offers (seriously, there are about 6 shows on offer). Prostitution is legal and not too subtly advertised (those aren’t newspaper racks…boob racks!), so if that’s your thing…congrats? You can walk along the strip and watch people work their way down a shopping list of bad decisions. Case in point: we passed a drunk man (bottle in brown paper bag, slurring spanish) get talked into a store selling tickets to shows and events…why not top off a night of drinking with a $50-$150 ticket to a show you won’t remember/enjoy (or get thrown out of)? Don’t have enough money? You can pretty much find any means necessary to pawn belongings or cash paychecks…probably even getting rid of one of those unnecessary kidneys (cutting down on the alcohol will help you in the long run anyway). The Strip consists of Food, Room, Gambling, and Money-Acquisition…and ladies…of the night. Three out of five ain’t bad.
It is a thoroughly enjoyable place and outside of the main drag there are other things to do. The weather is pleasant and probably slightly unbearable during the summer, but it wouldn’t be a bad place to live. Although the gambling environment and some of the people it attracts (popped collars, faux hawks, someone who looks like they just spent more than your life’s earnings on plastic surgery) would probably turn me into an excessively bitter and cynical person…don’t get me wrong, I am already slightly bitter and cynical (thank you, Mets and Islanders), but Vegas would just catapult me over the wall. A weekend visit would be awesome.
As we drove onto the strip Aubrey came to the realization that we could see Zumanity (Zoo Manatee?)…and so we did. It is one of Cirque Du Soleil’s many shows and is for “adults only.” Just some language…and man-asses, lady-butts, and upper halves. Suggestive phrasing. It was phenomenal. (Oh, Mike, you pervert) No, really, regardless of the countless nipples and near-unwanted phallus sightings (not “I nearly didn’t want to see it” but “I nearly saw it and didn’t want to”), the show is this crazy, awesome spectacle. Imagine that characters from The Matrix got together with a handful from mythology and had the world’s most bizarre orgy…
Wheee!
After the show we were pretty worn out (numerous days of driving and sight-seeing also helped) and didn’t really get into gambling. We played the penny slots for a bit and I was actually doing pretty well (up 106%…so $1.06) before I lost interest/Aubrey decided I should place the maximum bet of 90. We didn’t have the time or fortitude to get into anything else. I would have like to see how long I could go before losing all my chips in poker, but that could possibly take too long (I have won, but usually at the expense of people who were drunker than me – me being sober) and some of the slot style machines just look way too convoluted…like US Tax Code size manual convoluted. We decided that we should make a weekend trip and stay in a casino room sometime. Those $1 BJ signs at Sahara caught my eye. That’s BlackJack…they also offer $1 shots, beer, and hot dogs (not combined).
Oddlight: The Pirate show at Treasure Island Casino, in which we unwittingly walked out to pyrotechnics heating our faces off. This consists of a female crew on one ship, comprised of women with a skill set between that of a stripper and that of a singer/actress, pole dancing on the rigging while a male crew on the other ship, comprised of male actors whose sole abilities are pirate accent and speech (the women can’t do this for some reason), act piratey.
Highlight: Watching the fountain show outside the Bellagio. The iconic and idyllic scene in the 2001 Ocean’s Eleven with DeBussy’s Clair de Lune played through my head. I was really hoping that Clair de Lune would play, but instead the speakers were pumping out that insufferable Shania Twain song. She almost ruined it for me.
So anyway, we went to Las Vegas and did next to no gambling.
WAIT, WHAT THE HELL! BALLS!
Friday, February 5, 2010
Las Vegas: Excuse Me While I Whip This Out
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